When You Should Homeschool, Even if You Don't Want To

2/6/2016

It is a funny thing that whenever you tell someone you homeschool you almost always hear " I could never do that". . It happens like ... ALL ... the... time and I am not the only one who hears this. It used to drive me nuts, make me feel invisible and alone as if I was doing something so completely foreign that people could not relate to me. Then I figured it out. People weren't really saying they COULDN'T homeschool. I mean some were, they worked or were on a tight budget and didn't realize that there are many ways to do this. The rest though... they weren't really saying they couldn't homeschool, they were saying they didn't want to.

Listen, I get it. Homeschooling changes your life, it requires giving of your time and a certain level of engagement and if your kids are happy and thriving in school then it's not something you've needed to consider. Guess what though? I have a big secret. I didn't really want to homeschool either. I owned a successful business coaching company for over a decade and closed that to have a 4th child. I had visions of being a lady who lunches while my kids were in school, maybe serving on the PTA or finding a volunteer organization to give of my time. Never did I see myself being with my kids all day, everyday for the next 18 years!

Here's the thing though. True, there are some families who dreamed of homeschooling before they ever had kids. They just knew that they wanted an alternative education. For the rest of us though, our kids needed this. I mean they really needed this. They were suffering in school. They had significant emotional problems, behavioral issues, or even sometimes physical symptoms caused by being in an ill fitting environment. They cried every day or begged to stay home. They were not being intellectually stimulated or in fact learn so differently that they felt invisible and misunderstood every single day. School was literally crushing them.

So you see. I understand that you don't want to homeschool and you truly think you couldn't do it. I've been there. But my friend, you could if you had to. Even if you have no money, even if you work full time. Even if your spouse doesn't support you or your ex is putting up a fight. I believe you could do it because I know that we are all dedicated to doing whatever it takes for our kids to be successful, even if that means homeschooling.

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30 Comments

Sharon link

2/6/2016 10:54:26 am

EXCELLENT article Karen - Well said!

Karen Morrison

2/12/2016 06:50:53 pm

Thanks so much!

Chavva link

2/6/2016 07:02:14 pm

I can totally relate to this. Homeschooling wasn't really on my radar until it became our only viable option. Sometimes, doing what's best for our kids means making difficult decisions and unforeseen sacrifices. It's not always easy, but it's so worth it.

Eleion

2/12/2016 05:39:49 am

Putting your children to school can be much more difficult and means for me a terrible sacrifice, and the outcome is much worse eather. That's whats on the other hand.

Lori link

2/9/2016 12:40:38 pm

What a great insight about finding a way to do what your kids need you to do! So well said.

2/12/2016 06:51:30 pm

That really is the key isn't it?

Lucinda Leo link

2/9/2016 12:42:10 pm

People say that to me all the time, too. The funny thing is, I don't know many people who, having had homeschooling thrust on them for whatever reason, have regretted that path. When I had to take my kids out of school five years ago the thought of the next 13 years was a bit overwhelming, but I absolutely love this life now and wouldn't change it for the world. Plus I now manage to fit in a reasonable amount of work, which I could never have imagined a few years ago.

Karen

2/11/2016 11:00:36 am

It is so hard to imagine how wonderful it can be until you are really living it! That is why I cringe when I hear people say they will "try" homeschooling during summer. I am not sure that is possible:)

Mendy

2/10/2016 07:12:02 pm

We are in the "something has to give" boat now. Our 9 year old makes herself physically ill to not go or come home. I'm terrified about finances and if I can actually teach her anything. Next month we are taking the leap of faith because my baby's emotional health is more important. Thank you for the article. It helps give parents like me a little confidence to know we aren't the only ones who have struggled with doubt.

Amanda

2/11/2016 10:02:18 am

Hi! I just wanted to reassure you. My daughter is in second grade and we had to switch to homeschool this year. I was concerned as well about these exact things! My husband was unemployed so finances weren't there. But its going great! There are Amazing resources at the library and online you can follow curriculums free. I ended up just buying a couple of very cheap books and lots of homeschool moms in your area may even donate to you! Its a great community of people. Good luck! You can do this!

2/11/2016 10:59:23 am

I completely understand. Stepping off the mainstream path is intimidating and scary. It takes courage and dedication which is sounds like you have:) And of course you can teach her- you have taught her so much already! Reach out if you need support. You are not alone.

Deirdre

2/11/2016 08:13:01 am

I totally relate to this article. Thank you. D x

karen morrison

2/11/2016 10:57:36 am

You are so welcome!!

Brook

2/11/2016 06:40:17 pm

I homeschooled my 2 kids for 3 years. My daughter is an extreme extrovert and was trying to get all her social needs met by me. I was completely drained by her and my son with behavioral issues every day. It was rough. I cried every single day. It was not the right fit for us. We ended up putting both kids in public school where they are now thriving. I do support homeschooling, though, and I try not to discourage anyone else from it. You never know until you try! Some moms are really great at it, and I am sure the main problem was my personality and my being overwhelmed. We do look back on our homeschooling years fondly, but I have not forgotten the toll it took on my sanity and marriage. We do not wish to return to homeschooling, but I am reminded by this article that it may be required of me again at some point, and I need to keep an open mind if that day comes. As a side note, I heard from SO many homeschool moms that I was wrong for "giving up"- their judgement of me was quite severe. Some have "unfriended" me on social media, ended our friendship, and called me a bad mother publicly. I was shocked that I was treated like a "traitor" for doing what was best for our family. That being said, this is a great article and I am happy that you have found the right fit for your daughter. It is amazing what we do for our kids, and what God enables us to do when push comes to shove. :)

Karen Morrison link

2/12/2016 06:50:30 pm

It is great that you recognized that it wasn't working for you. Homeschooling certainly has its ups and downs. I love that you have your mind open if you need to revisit it again:) For us, it has become a lifestyle and I cannot imagine ever going back.

Charlie

9/24/2017 07:26:41 pm

Thank you for posting. Homeschool is not for all of us, and that's OK. I'm a firm believer in socialization and allowing our children to grow by going out on their own, having some conflict here and there, and learning to navigate without the comfort of mom.

Cici

2/12/2016 09:26:05 am

This needs to be talked about more often. I am 14 years into the homeschool journey... and I never wanted to homeschool. I still don't want to homeschool. This has been a labor of love and sacrifice for the greater good of my children. My baby is 16 and will graduate next year -- this momma will be doing a serious happy dance! :)

2/12/2016 06:52:33 pm

Cici, That is truth telling! I love it. We are doing what our kids need even if it didn't fit into our master plan.

Anna

2/12/2016 06:22:58 pm

Anyone can homeschool who wants to or needs to. From being on multiple facebook homeschooling groups I know that people who work full time, part time, no time, weird schedules, travel the country, travel the world, have little money, etc etc all homeschool. If it something you really want or need to do you can find a way.

2/12/2016 06:53:23 pm

I very much agree:)

Rachel

4/5/2016 05:14:29 pm

We home school, and to be honest? I don't actually WANT to. I want nothing more to send my kids off for the day, and have time to fold the laundry without "helpers", and scrub the floor that desperately needs me to get on my hands and knees to get up those stains, and to just FINISH THAT DARN CUP OF COFFEE.

But then I think about my sensitive 7 year old son, who doesn't even understand why someone would not be nice. My 5 year old who is so enthusiastic about everything that it's sometimes off-putting to both kids and adults. My 3 year old who takes in EVERYTHING that passes him by, sometimes to the point of not being able to process one.more.thing. And my heart breaks at just the thought of putting them in a classroom, where they will be, either gently or not-so-gently, prodded into a little box that labels them and tells them who they should be in order to be 'right' or 'good'. And I know that even though I don't WANT to homeschool, I NEED to.

And it kills me sometimes. But this was amazing to read, because it's sometimes tough to sit with a group of homeschooling parents who JUST LOVE to teach their kids, while I've got a pasted on smile because it just took us an hour to get through 5 math problems, and I'm really not sure whether I'll make it through the next 10, 11, 12 years, but am plugging along because we NEED to do this.

Cindy

7/31/2017 06:51:02 pm

Rachel,

It is 1 1/4 year after you commented.
I hope things are going well, and better.

I'm wondering if you have ever looked into learning about unschooling?
It is not something that one can quickly learn or understand. It truly takes a good deal of time.
To implement, it also takes patience and a lot of 'deschooling'.

Deschooling is vital, no matter if one is going to eventually unschool or not.

It is one of the most liberating things one could do. Ever.
It shifts from tasks of 'schooling' a child to the joy of authentic and natural learning.

There are several great resources. One great one is the book 'Free Range Learning: How Homeschooling Changes Everything' by Laura Grace Weldon. She has a blog/site by roughly the same name.

My kids are 17 and 13 and we've always been home ed.
Best wishes and I'm always happy to offer support.

Cindy

Kelly

7/31/2017 07:36:12 pm

I would love to home school. My child is literally being "crushed" by school. But as a sole parent who needs to work outside the home I have no idea how it can work logistically. How do these families working full time actually do it? Where are the children while they are working? How is enough time left for any valuable learning once I get home, make dinner, do the washing etc?

4/6/2016 07:10:10 pm

Oh my!! I totally hear you mama. This homeschooling business is really a labor of love isn't it? We can love it and hate it at the same time and it is all still okay. I honor your very real experience. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your journey with us:)

Carrie

7/29/2017 04:43:48 am

Yep. One with special needs and one with GT. Neither fits in a grade level box.

Sher

7/31/2017 04:22:17 pm

I would be wealthy if i received $5 for every parent that has said those words to me. Fabulous to read your words. As u write he ds14 isn't on a wait list to get back on the school bandwagon. I don't know if it will work this time but, we're gonna give it a go. After a year of unschooling I'm finally getting something me time.... I joined the gym. Need it for a break from the ds and the dh.... Some days we just fly, others are crazy difficult. At least we can trial for ten weeks.... If it doesn't work.... Back to unschool

Nivedita link

8/1/2017 01:25:06 am

This is my story, Karen... I feel like i m reading my own life

Alice

8/2/2017 04:13:54 am

But how can I do it? I want to homeschool so badly but both my partner and I have to work to just pay our bills!

Deanna Haviland

8/16/2017 04:05:01 pm

Karen, it's been a while since we've seen each other or spoken. I do remember when you left to homeschool your last and I must say, I was in awe then, and still now.... Jackson was in private until last year. I've finally made the jump into homeschool and completely agree with your article. People choose Not to homeschool for whatever reasons, and that is their choice. Until and unless there are other circumstances that prevail. In my case, the 2016 Mandatory Vaccination Mandate that was passed in California. My completely unvaccinated son, healthy, thriving without toxic burden from vaccines, will be forced to be vaccinated in one year (7th Grade). I refuse to give in, to alter my values or my son's physical and emotional well-being for my own comfort, or convenience. As a single parent, full-time Realtor with one income, it is a challenge, to say the least. But not one that I regret making, because we do what we Have to do, when it comes to what's important to us. This fall will be our first year. I'm looking forward to this next chapter and what God will teach Jackson and me...... In the meantime, God speed to all of the parents out there, to the children, our future, and to you, Karen, for being a voice and example of hope and inspiration. xoxoxo

Lauren Sisson link

9/24/2017 05:52:37 pm

I wish I wasn't but I continue to be shocked when they say they can't. I think, you won't. I have hard days here at home, but it's so nice catering to education needs (I.e. grade level literacy, above grade math, science, social studies) I can't imagine my kids in school. I'd be getting notes about only negative, because they never have time to challenge them in other subjects they live for. This was perfectly written. Great job.

When You Should Homeschool, Even if You Don't Want To﻿