The Forced Homeschooler

6/1/2017

Recently I had a call with a prospective homeschool coaching parent who described herself as a forced homeschooler. Someone who never planned on homeschooling but had no choice other than to pull her child out of school for the sake of their child's emotional health and well being. Someone who wanted desperately for the traditional school system to meet the needs of her child- but school was failing miserably.

As a mother of 4 children ages 6, 9, 14, and 18 who never wanted to homeschool - I could relate to her words so much. I am a forced homeschooler too. I mean, really why should we have to homeschool? Why should we have to give up everything to teach our kids at home? School seemed to be working just fine for most of my friends' kids so why not for ours?

Well meaning friends and family stared at me blankly when I told them that I was going to homeschool. Their ears were listening but their blank faces told me that they didn't understand. My heart was filled with anxiety about the unknown, feeling desperate and out of control but knowing that something had to change. Sharing my heartache with those around me for whom school was not failing them, only seemed to make me feel worse and more alone.

They didn't understand because they were not going through what we were....

Their kids were not crying every morning before school.
They were not missing the bus- AGAIN- because their child was in the bathroom for hours with a stomachache and anxiety.
Their kids therapists were not telling them you can't keep your kid home because he will be a hermit, all the while your mothers instinct was telling you that was exactly what you should do.
They were not meeting with school administrators for the one thousandth time to discuss how their child was not focusing or completing work in class.
The principal was not telling them his hands were tied because their kid was not falling behind
Their kids were not walking around the playground all alone because no one wanted to play with them.
Their kids had not failed the gate test because they thought it was too boring.
Their kids were not bullied because they were socially awkward.
Their kids were not sitting home, knowing that AGAIN, they were not invited to the birthday party.
They were not battling with their kids for hours to do homework through tears and screaming
They were not laying awake at night wondering how they were going to do this for 10 more years.
They were not being told their child had ADD just because they refused to conform
They didn't feel like the only parent in the world who was failing their kid by making them go to school, a place that was slowly killing their self esteem, their love of learning, their motivation.

You see. I never wanted to homeschool. It wasn't my lifelong dream. I didn't start researching this philosophy when I was pregnant with my kids anxiously awaiting the day we could begin.

It was forced on me.

When you tell me that you could never do that, I imagine it is because you were never in my shoes. School is working for you and I get it. I'm happy for you, I really am.

Homeschooling was the last resort for my family. It was the necessary thing that we had to do to save our child. And it did. We absolutely love it and our only regret is that we did not do it sooner but that doesn't change the fact that we didn't choose it, it chose us.

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8 Comments

Emma West

6/7/2017 09:15:38 pm

I am in the same position now. Pulling my children out of school at the end of the year after too many fights, tears, and struggles. My (almost) 11 year old is in counselling and waiting for assessment by a psychiatrist after he began coming home telling me he wishes his life was over and he wants to die. Nothing the school can do or say could possibly soften that blow.

The worst part is that it's far from the only issue I've dealt with the school over. It's been an endless battle since my children were enrolled. My daughter's spelling, handwriting and grammar all suffered going from excellent and far ahead of her peers to horrible and yet somehow still ahead of most of her peers. My son has lost enthusiasm for one subject after another, ESPECIALLY the ones he is good at... And there has been bully after bully and nothing but placation, bandaid solutions, and avoidance from the administration.

I am so grateful that there are parents out there who understand that sometimes homeschool is less a thing you want and more of a corner you find yourself backed into because we love our children. Thank you so much for this post!

Karen Morrison link

6/8/2017 11:17:56 am

Sadly your story is one I hear too often. I can only say hang on mama! It is going to take healing and recovery but by bringing your children home under mothers wing - you can begin to rebuild what school has taken away from them. Thank you for connecting and sharing your story:)

Christina M.

6/8/2017 04:09:25 pm

All of this! So much so. It was my kid always in trouble for talking (because she finished assignments early and was teaching others), it was my kid bullied because I taught in the same school so evidently that meant somewhere she was getting special privileges, it was my kid who was forced in 3rd grade to take that state test covered in hives or go home and end up in summer school. I have 3 college degrees in education and was a college professor but I was forced to change my plans. Here we are 5 years later in a place of creativity, space, and nurturing. ❤️

Karen link

6/12/2017 06:19:52 am

Christina! It is heartbreaking that so many of us find ourselves in the same boat and yet what a wonderful gift to give others by sharing our story and letting them know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for sharing your journey to homeschooling!

Paula

6/8/2017 06:45:33 pm

Thank you for the article I to was forced to homeschool my 14 yr old grandson whom I'm raising was physically ill ever morning which in turn caused him to have severe asthma attacks no answers or help from the school proud to say after our first year not 1 asthma attack and his grades are better

6/12/2017 06:17:34 am

Paula, What a blessing that you are able to homeschool your grandson, I am so glad he is feeling better! Thanks for being here!

Sandi Jensen

6/15/2017 06:20:48 pm

What a beautifully written article that exactly explains the situation I am in with my two daughters (one is "twice exceptional"- I think they are both exceptional ;) ). I just sobbed when I read this. Someone understands, someone gets this, and has witnessed the heart breaking events and struggles with no one to help them in the public school world.

Ali link

6/16/2017 05:21:53 am

For those of you on the fence, homeschooling has been an unexpected gift. Our son has PANDAS, an autoimmune disorder, and could not attend school because of his symptoms and the constant germ exposures so we were forced to withdraw him. He healed so much that first year. The next we decided to homeschool his younger sister for convenience and I felt like he was getting a better education. I was worried because she loved the social life of Kindergarten. No problem, she has blossomed academically outside of a large classroom, we're all healthier and we're all three making great friends in a homeschool co-op. It has taken us time to find our feet, but I am so glad we had the courage to leap into the unknown rather than keep struggling with school.

Karen, thanks for sharing your story! It would have been helpful when we were trying to make decisions-I'm sure it us for others!

The Forced Homeschooler

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