A few days ago I had the pleasure of facilitating a local workshop for parents who are considering homeschooling this next school year. As the parents arrived I could tell that they were filled with a mixture of ......curiosity and excitement sure but to be honest.....yes- more than a little bit of fear.
Could they do this?
What would others think?
Could they get their spouse on board?
Would their kids fall behind their peers?
What about college and transcripts,
and well being a success in life?
As our evening unfolded they shared with me their stories about why they felt that leaving mainstream school was the best choice for their families.
There were 2 moms who said that they had always thought about homeschooling ( but had not yet done so) and 1 who had homeschooled on and off but for the rest of the 15 other families- this was something entirely new and unexpected.
They told stories of kids who were not getting challenged in school, of kids crying everyday- not wanting to go, of tummy aches and and constant worries. They shared about the bright light of curiosity starting to dim and of happy kids starting to seem well.....not so happy. They shared stories about kids with reading challenges that were falling behind despite support from the school and other kids who were extremely bored and not engaged.
A couple of parents shared how homeschooling was the only option for their kids with health issues which made school a potentially unsafe place to be and while homeschooling wasn't their first choice- they were willing do it for the sake of their child's needs.
After I left the workshop- I felt inspired to continue to support others on this journey, to offer a safe space to share the struggles and the accomplishments along the way.
I know firsthand that it can feel like a very lonely place to be at times especially when everyone in your local area is doing the school thing and you suddenly find yourself outside that circle staring in. You may feel isolated when others don't understand or seem to care.
It is a strange experience when your neighbors are talking about homework, parent teacher conferences or school issues and you are planning what curriculum to use next year, or your next field trip or learning adventure.
I promise you are not alone. Most of the parents in our community didn't come to homeschooling because it was what we always wanted to do. We didn't question that school was the logical next step for our kids, in fact if anything we tried to ignore the signs that maybe it wasn't going to work because we wanted so badly to believe that it would.
We love our kids desperately but we also looked forward to the break that school would provide us to catch our breath or explore our own interests.
Listen, our kids are intense, asynchronous, emotional little beings. They push us to our limits and force us to find a strength we didn't know we had. I need to make something clear for fear that you may misunderstand..
For those of us raising emotionally intense, creative souls -
homeschooling isn't really something we CHOOSE....in fact , I think it is
pretty safe to say that homeschooling CHOSE US. It is what we do because it is what our kids need and somehow by a miracle almost we are able to rise to the occasion.
Sometimes parents tell me that they could never homeschool their kids because they are too intense, they'll never listen to them. They question how they would they ever get their kids to learn if they were the teacher when homework is already such a battle. I understand since I have been blessed with 4 of these strong willed driven little fireballs.
I promise you , you can do this. You are stronger than you think you are. Let go of the fear, the doubt and the uncertainty.
You have a community of other parents who get it waiting on the other side ready to lift you up and guide you-just when you need it.
You got this!
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Upcoming Local Event:
Sunday April 17th 6-9pm
Newport Coast, California
Homeschooling 101 Workshop
Cost: $20 OC Gifted Meet Up Members
Join me as I share about my journey through public, private and eventually homeschooling with my own gifted children ages 5, 8, 13, and 16. I will be providing tons of valuable information on getting started homeschooling in California as well as answering your individual questions. Each participant will receive a workbook with everything you need to begin the journey.
email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or join our local meet up group to RSVP- link at www.ocgifted.com .
I have a confession to make. I have a problem with spinning my wheels- if you are a parent of multiple kids maybe you can relate. I have such good intentions but lately I find myself wasting time and not being very productive. I used to be so organized - I mean I am a professional coach afterall - but something's happened to my brain. It got all murky and fuzzy and somehow I sort of lost my way. It got worse as I had more kids and now with homeschooling 4 it is amazing I get anything done at all.
This past week I had this growing sense that I was reaching the point of overwhelm or being burned out. I couldn't really put my finger on what was bothering me but instead of fighting it and pushing through like I normally would do, I decided to listen to that inner voice that said I needed a break. I completely cleared our schedule which with 4 kids ages 5, 8, 13 and 16 is no easy feat. I cancelled all our appointments, told the soccer coaches we would not be at practice and let go of the pressure to go anywhere at all. I set up a playdate for each day this week so my kids would still have something to look forward to and asked the moms to just drop off so I ( and they) could get some time to ourselves.
Let me tell you it was heavenly. I spent the first day planning my daily rhythm and cleaning up my to-do list and then I got to work. I cannot tell you how much I got done.
started poetry tea-time with kids
scheduled a workshop I host on getting started homeschooling
caught up on laundry
cleaned my carpet ( just bought an awesome new machine!!)
washed the couch slipcovers
organized my photos
cleaned up my computer
set up coffee dates with a few friends
wrote a newsletter for my gifted group
ordered groceries from Amazon Fresh ( Can I tell you I just LOVE this service)
downloaded photos from my phone to computer
contacted a bunch of potential piano teachers
created a monthly meal plan for April
ordered throw pillows for my new to me ( bought on craig's list ) sectional
ordered a towel rack for the bathroom- it broke over a year ago! ( yikes)
Wow! I must say I am impressed with myself. However, I don't share this list with you to brag. I share because in the midst of doing all of this- I realized that I felt more relaxed and at peace than I had in many months. Why is that? As you can see I wasn't spending my week off lounging- I was actually pretty busy.
I'm realizing that part of living a spacious life is living life with intention and purpose. Most of us have our schedules so filled to the brim that we spend our days just doing the next urgent thing that is right in front of us and never getting to the things that will bring us the most peace and joy. We long to have a life well lived but we are slaves to our schedules. As a result, during those rare moments when we actually do have a few minutes, we spin our wheels, randomly check facebook or watch mindless television.
I want to live my life differently than the mainstream and set an example for my girls. It is important to me that we eat a mostly whole foods diet, cook from scratch, read aloud voraciously, learn something new everyday, spend lots of time in nature, play board games together and explore the world around us. I want to have weekly date nights with my husband and spend quality time with friends. I definitely want to have more fun. Sounds pretty awesome , right?
This week taught me some valuable lessons on slowing down, getting focused and finding the balance between being productive and relaxation. I am sharing my list below so that you can begin to implement it into your life and hopefully find the success that I did. As always, I am available for private coaching if you find you need a little extra focus and support:) Just fill out the contact us form and we will set something up.
Top Ten List for Being Organized for Homeschoolers ( and Everyone Else Too!!)
1- Create a Daily Rhythm and Post It
2- Write Out Your To-Do List Daily with No More than 7-9 Items
( I Keep a Master To-Do List Separately)
3- Only Look at Your Daily T0-Do List As You Work On Tasks
4- Do Chores First Thing and Get Kids Involved ( Even 5 year olds can empty trash cans)
5- Order Groceries (Amazon Fresh) and Supplies Online ( Target Delivers Free Over $25!!)
6- Create a Monthly Meal Plan and Post it
7- Let Go of As Many Commitments as You Can
8- Delegate (I hired my 16 year old to work on my photo project for example)
9- Reduce Mindless Television and Internet Surfing
10- Get Plenty Of Sleep ( I find at night is when I waste the most time)
My youngest daughter who is 5 just started playing soccer last week. She was so excited. Her grandma took her shopping and together they picked out matching cleats, shin guards, and a brand new soccer ball. She was so excited to finally join her older sister in the sport. For days leading up to the first practice, it was all she could talk about.
So imagine my surprise as we got to the field on that first day of practice when she was overcome with fear and hid behind my legs while the coaches introduced themselves and the girls to each other. As the coach called them over to get started , she refused to budge and tears started streaming down her face. I noticed my emotions begin to flare, there was that feeling of being judged by other parents for my kid who refused to go on the field but also the protective mama instinct creeping in who just wanted to keep my child safe and was doubting if this was such a good idea..
I looked down at my 5 year old and really focused on her. I saw in her face that she just needed time. I got quiet and pushed out the thoughts of being judged and was the parent my child needed me to be at that moment. I pulled the coaches aside and told them to please not rush her. I could tell they didn't agree but that was okay
My daughter and I stood out there on the field together for 45 minutes of that practice. I asked her every once in a while if she was ready to go play but I didn't force her. She and I kicked the ball a bit together and I just patiently waited. Finally during the last few minutes of practice she slowly joined the other girls and started to play. She did it in her own time and in her own way.
Gifted kids are complex and often intense. They can be intellectually light years beyond their peers and emotionally years behind. We know this. The thing is after we have read a few books about gifted and attended a few talks- we want to know more. We want to go beyond giftedness and learn exactly what to do, which words to use, what specific actions to take. These kids push us so far out of our comfort zone as parents, there was no training for this job. Learn to trust yourself.
I understand that parents of gifted kids need specific tools that we can begin using to help us better support our kids in living their lives. How do we respond when they have a meltdown, what specifically do we do when they refuse to listen to us, how exactly do we manage their huge emotions.
Life with gifted kids can be a daily emotional and mental struggle. Our kids are often intense and demand a crazy amount of our energy. Things that could go so smoothly for a parent with a neuro-typical kid, can cause an uproar in a family with gifted kids. I get it, I have 4 of them myself!!
My advice is simple but not easy. Get grounded. Do your own work. Stay calm yourself. Be gentle. Listen to your child. Get down on their level. Use less words. Meet your child where they are. Be present and engaged. Practice patience. Fill your own bucket so you can fill theirs.
Learn to see your child - beyond giftedness.
Some days I wish that I could just focus on being a mom, I wish that it was enough. Honestly, I really love being with my kids. We explore new places every week, visit museums, the library, cook together, go on amazing field trips and have a tight knit community of friends, I don't feel the desire to send them off to someone else or have them away from me all day. Being a mom is incredibly fulfilling, and yet somehow I want more.
I was a coach and owned a thriving organization for women entrepreneurs for over a decade before I started homeschooling. I met privately with clients helping them start and grow a business. I taught them how to get more clients and make more money working the least number of hours.
We worked on their personal lives too - I helped them learn to be more organized, overcome procrastination and face their fears. I helped college students figure out what they wanted to do with their lives, and out of work middle-aged men find work. I loved it all but the pull to be home and do one thing well was always there.
It's been over 5 years now since I closed that business to begin homeschooling. It's been an incredible journey and one I would not trade for anything but now I want more, again. Lately I have been asking myself, what if A Spacious Life includes having something for myself and teaching others in return?
Starting a business is at once exhilarating and exhausting. There are the long hours contemplating what it will look like, brainstorming ideas, and watching it unfold. There are the deep conversations and revelations. Ooh...this is my sweet spot. It is as if I am coming home once again.
I am learning that it is okay to want more and that it is good for my kids to see me as an entrepreneur. They are watching and picking up little bits just like they do with everything else that I teach.
If you are still with me , maybe you are wondering how you can make a little extra money for your family and all those fun adventures you want to go on? Or perhaps you have a great idea and you feel called to see it come to life. You can do this! We can do it together.
As homeschoolers we are very busy. Our days are full. My advice is to start with laying a really good foundation. Clear your clutter, plan your meals, develop a plan, eliminate your tolerations. I have spent the last year getting ready to start my business doing those things because I knew I would fail if I tried to add it into my already chaotic life. It may not take you an entire year but taking the time before diving in is key. If you can, don't skip this step.
Next you are going to have to figure out when you will work. For us, we homeschool in the nooks and crannies of our days. We are not sit around the table learners most of the time but we do have scheduled activities that happen at predictable times. I have found that getting up way before my kids do works perfectly for me to write blog posts, journal and read. I also work a few hours a couple of days a week meeting with clients both over the phone and outside the home. Generally I spend 1 day on the weekend working as well. The main thing is to be consistent but with enough flexibility so that you don't stress yourself out.
Once you have a solid structure in place you can get started!
1. What type of business do you want to own? What lights you up and gets your creative juices flowing? What do you do best and what are you good at? What you are selling and who you are selling to? Owning a business takes an incredible amount of dedication and drive but when you love what you do, it fills you up in a way that nothing else can!
2. Decide what success looks like to you. Are you just wanting to make a little extra money so you can take the kids on field trips or are you wanting something much bigger. Perhaps you want to start a non-profit so you can give back to the community. Get really clear about what your goals are from the very start so that you can stay on track.
3. Create a business strategy. This doesn't have to be set in stone. For now, you just want a general guide so that you don't lose interest over time. It will help you stay focused on your goal. I find that many business owners fail because they start and stop one thing and start another before ever gaining momentum. This can be a general one page outline to get started. It will include the things you want to focus on, your target market and your business mission and vision. You can even find templates online for a one page business plan.
4. Do market research. Take the time to gather information, find other businesses that are similar to yours both in person and online, talk to prospective customers, see what people are paying and make sure there is a demand for your product or service,
5. Make it legal. This includes choosing a business name and registering it as a DBA( Doing Business As) . Determine your business structure- decide if you will be a sole proprietor, partnership or a corporation (LLC, Non Profit etc) . You may also be required to get a license in your city. Register for State and Local Taxes.
6. Get Paid. Figure out how you will collect money. Will you collect cash, checks or take money on paypal, square etc. There are pros and cons to each so choose carefully. Once you start making money you can open a business bank account and keep careful records.
7. Create an Online Presence. Pretty much every business these days needs to have a website. Will you hire someone to make one for you or will you do this yourself? Will you have a blog? Or a facebook page? Begin thinking about the ways in which you can market yourself on the internet.
8. Find Prospects and Get New Clients! Start spreading the word about your new business. You can send a grassroots marketing letter to your contact list or facebook friends letting them know about your new venture. Be sure to follow up with those who express interest.
Of course, starting a business takes time especially when your kids are home and you are not able to spend 8 hours a day on your idea. No need to get overwhelmed, Remember that you don't have to do this all in one month or even one year. If all you can do is work on your plan a few hours a week , you are still getting closer to your goal. Stay positive, keep moving and above all have fun!!
I imagine you have been thinking about educating your child at home for some time and you feel pretty strongly that this is what is best for your family. Maybe your bright, intense, creative child is unhappy in school, or they are complaining of being bored, or you just know that a customized education would be so so much better than what they are currently getting.
Whatever your reason, you want to homeschool but your spouse says no.
I know you....you have done all the research and have talked to other homeschoolers but every time you try and discuss it - all that happens is you end up in an argument. It seems every issue you have in your relationship is being dredged up because you just can't let this go and you are not sure what to do.
Listen, I get it, Homeschooling is a huge change and it is not something most people do on a whim. We are talking about leaving the mainstream and forging out on your own. It's no wonder that even the very idea of it can be enough to cause alarm. There are worries about what others will think, fears about the effect it will have on relationships, and concern over whether or not you can really handle the work.
The good news is that I have come to learn that most of the time it is not so much that the other spouse is so against homeschooling ( even though they say that they are) but rather that they don't really understand what it even is, You are asking them to trust something that is so foreign to them that they can't seem to even listen and as a result communication between you is seriously failing.
I came up with this list after working with couples who were in your exact same shoes and through our work together they were able to find common ground. I hope you will use it as a guide to seek understanding and support so that you can achieve your homeschooling goal.
6 Tips to Get Your Spouse on Board with Homeschooling When They Say No Way.
1. Talk with your spouse about what their fears or concerns are...
Have them list them out one by one. Listen carefully with an open mind and heart.
2. Review together the many options of how to homeschool legally .....
Check into the laws in your area and what it might look like for your specific family. Some families choose a hybrid approach where your child was in a classroom setting several days a week, others go with a charter school where the kids are overseen by a teacher, still others homeschool online.. These are just a few. There are as many ways to homeschool as there are homeschoolers. , Explore them all.
3. Discuss what education and learning mean to you....
Most of us just send our kids to school without ever giving this much thought. Give yourselves time and space to really think about what skills, knowledge, and experiences you want your child to have when they go off into the real world.
4. Meet with a veteran homeschool parent...
Let you spouse ask all the questions. Nothing quite compares to power of the story from a parent who homeschools successfully and the comfort that it provides to ease ones' fears.
5. Attend a homeschool conference ...
You'll get a chance to hear from parents who's kids have graduated and gone on to be successful adults and also learn from experts in the field. For a long time, even though my husband supported our homeschooling. I was on the journey alone. I was the one reading all the books and searching online. A few years in, I took my husband to a homeschool conference and that was when the lightbulb really went on. Plus these are great fun for the kids!
6. If all else fails: Hire a homeschool coach or therapist .....
who can meet with you and your husband and work through any remaining issues. Remember, your spouse wants what is best for you and your children and sometimes you may need an impartial mediator to help you get on the same page.
Our Homeschool Friends Camping 2015
A few years ago after many failed attempts to find a homeschool community where we really felt at home, I started a group on Meetup for families who have gifted kids. I cannot begin to tell you how many park days I dragged my oldest to when she was in 7th grade - only to have her sit with her back turned to everyone - headphones on and a sketchbook in hand. No matter how much I loved the other moms, somehow she just knew that she wasn't home.
Originally my group was just for me to have a way to talk with other parents who were also raising these unique, often intense, asynchronous learners. We would meet at a local cafe and share our stories over dinner. It was so reassuring to my husband and I to listen to each person relate such similar experiences and it helped us to not to feel so alone. As the year went on though it became obvious that in order for my kids to really thrive, they were going to need to find that same sense of belonging that I had found with these other parents.
I'll never forget that first park day when my oldest wandered off with this sweet tween girl who had taught herself to play the ukelele and then later when she got in the car and told me with a smile on her face... " mom I made a new friend" . I could hear the emotion beneath her words that said- I finally feel accepted and understood. I have come to watch this happen time and again in the group and every single time it warms my heart, Parents will bring kids to our park days who have rejected many other groups or have struggled to find like minded intellectual peers in school (and beyond) and then "it happens'. It is a magical thing when kids feel that very thing my daughter felt, sometimes for the very first time in their lives!
Often times, I am contacted by other parents who don't live close enough to visit our group about how they can start their own. I was lucky enough to organize a successful membership organization for many years long before I started homeschooling, so I thought I would write a top ten list of my best tips to help you get started. If you love the idea but don't want to start your own- look in your area to see what already exists. There are many groups on Meetup, Facebook, or even Yahoo. There are also online groups if meeting in person isn't possible and some have ways for kids to connect online as well.
Top Ten Tips:
1. Decide why you want to start a group .
Is this group just for parents or will you have activities for the kids as well? What are you hoping to get out of your group? How committed to getting this group started are you? Organizing a group takes a lot of time and dedication- figure out what is driving you so you can stick to that goal.
2. Figure out what kind of activities will you host.
Park Days, Field Trips, Campouts, Parent Workshops, Moms Night Out, Bookclubs, Classes, The list of possibilities is endless.
3. Choose which days you will meet.
In my experience groups fail to gain momentum because they are inconsistent. Consider deciding to meet on the same day every week for several months at the same time so that parents can plan for your events. For example- my parent workshops are on the 3rd Sunday of the month in the evening. Our park days are every Friday. Field trips are on Wednesdays. We meet at the same time with rare exception and families plan their lives around our events.
4. As the leader - attend every event.
As the organizer of the group you will need to be at all of the events. This can get quite exhausting so be certain to only choose events that you would be happy attending even if no one shows up. It is hard for a group to get off the ground if new members show up and no one is there.
5. Consider charging dues.
In my experience people are more committed to the groups that they pay for and gifted groups are no exception. Perhaps offer a free trial period after which you ask for an annual dues. This will attract members who value what you provide, weed out those who are not willing to get involved on a regular basis,
6. Decide on a forum
Personally I love using meet up because initially it markets to those interested in your type of group which gains you members right away, it is so easy to use, member dues are easy to set up and charge for, and scheduling events and keeping track of RSVP's is a breeze.
7. Pick a name for your group.
I think it is easiest to go with your city so people can find you
8. Market your group.
This one can be challenging for people but honestly- there are families out there right now that are desperately seeking what you have to offer. Consider marketing on homeschool forums, through friends, or through local professionals who specialize in gifted.
9. Be an advocate and don't be afraid of the word gifted .
I feel strongly that we must be advocates for our kids so that they know that being gifted just means it is how you are wired so I don't shy away from the word which is not always easy for people. It doesn't mean that we think our kids are better than anyone else. It means that they have unique needs and go through the world a bit differently than others. It is true that some people have not always been kind but the joy I get from watching my kid thrive in this community far outweighs any of the misunderstanding and I find that using the word gifted in my group name helps people find us. .
10. Above all have fun!
Enjoy the process and have fun!! Our gifted community has been the biggest and most unexpected gift for my family in our homeschooling journey. I wish you all the success in starting your own thriving group!
Bookclub Gathering in the Park
"El Deafo" 2015
Recently someone was asking me about teaching kids who are unmotivated, lazy and prone to daydreaming. She was watching her child slowly shut down in school and in the back of her mind, she wondered if he would be successful there long term. I'd been in her shoes so I understood what she was asking. She wanted to know if she pulled her son out of school would he just want to sit around and watch t.v. all day. She was afraid. How could she as a mom get him to do anything at home that at all resembled learning when he so clearly lacked a desire to learn?
Oh... I just wanted to share with her the beauty that I have witnessed over the past five years in my home since we started homeschooling. By letting go of all the negative thinking, by letting go of worrying about what everyone else was doing and really paying attention and seeing my children as whole, I began to see them as magnificent human beings with their own interests, wants and needs that are so uniquely theirs' and no one elses. Once I let go of the pushing, prodding and forcing them to learn what someone else wanted them to learn , magic started to happen. They started to want to learn for themselves.
The thing is that all kids are naturally curious aren't they? I have never met one who isn't. So what I told her is this. Outside of school, I don't actually believe any longer that there are unmotivated kids. I mean given the freedom to explore and delve into what truly interest them, with as much time as they would like to spend - allows our kids to get back to when they were just wee little ones and the world was a magical and amazing place. Remember how they just couldn't get enough, back when they wanted to touch and taste everything and each new experience just made them want more.. We all have an insatiable desire to learn. We just need to give our children space and freedom to really become who they were meant to be, who they have been all along.
So I encourage you to shift your thinking and see possibility where there was previous frustration. Find openness and acceptance. Move beyond labels and negative thinking. Resistance and push back are signals to explore new ways of teaching and learning and for us what a beautiful gift that has been.
It is a funny thing that whenever you tell someone you homeschool you almost always hear " I could never do that". . It happens like ... ALL ... the... time and I am not the only one who hears this. It used to drive me nuts, make me feel invisible and alone as if I was doing something so completely foreign that people could not relate to me. Then I figured it out. People weren't really saying they COULDN'T homeschool. I mean some were, they worked or were on a tight budget and didn't realize that there are many ways to do this. The rest though... they weren't really saying they couldn't homeschool, they were saying they didn't want to.
Listen, I get it. Homeschooling changes your life, it requires giving of your time and a certain level of engagement and if your kids are happy and thriving in school then it's not something you've needed to consider. Guess what though? I have a big secret. I didn't really want to homeschool either. I owned a successful business coaching company for over a decade and closed that to have a 4th child. I had visions of being a lady who lunches while my kids were in school, maybe serving on the PTA or finding a volunteer organization to give of my time. Never did I see myself being with my kids all day, everyday for the next 18 years!
Here's the thing though. True, there are some families who dreamed of homeschooling before they ever had kids. They just knew that they wanted an alternative education. For the rest of us though, our kids needed this. I mean they really needed this. They were suffering in school. They had significant emotional problems, behavioral issues, or even sometimes physical symptoms caused by being in an ill fitting environment. They cried every day or begged to stay home. They were not being intellectually stimulated or in fact learn so differently that they felt invisible and misunderstood every single day. School was literally crushing them.
So you see. I understand that you don't want to homeschool and you truly think you couldn't do it. I've been there. But my friend, you could if you had to. Even if you have no money, even if you work full time. Even if your spouse doesn't support you or your ex is putting up a fight. I believe you could do it because I know that we are all dedicated to doing whatever it takes for our kids to be successful, even if that means homeschooling.
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When your kids are babies and toddlers life naturally adjusts to their schedule. You slow your pace because small children cannot be rushed. Projects and personal interests may be put on the back burner - waiting for a time when your kids are older. Somehow you just learn to be in the moment and enjoy the now.. When your kids are suddenly home all day after having once been in school, it is easy to become overwhelmed and wonder if there will ever be time for you again. You may wonder how you will ever get your errands done, clean your house, go for a walk alone, or sheez ...have coffee with a friend.
One day early in this journey, I remember thinking that it would be 17 years before all my kids would be off to college!! As excited as I was to start this new homeschooling adventure, I wasn't sure who I was anymore. Honestly, picking curriculum is the easy part-finding a new sense of identity and balance trumps that part any day.
I could post all the pretty pictures of our days , share the cool science experiments and show you all the learning that is going on around here. Make it look all easy and perfect. And I will, eventually. Promise. But for now, that would't be fair. You need me to tell the whole truth if you are going to be successful in this spacious living GIG. You need to see behind the curtains in all it's imperfection so you can learn from my mistakes..
The truth is, for a short time after brought my kids all home, I struggled to find my way, develop a routine, and feel balanced. I was lonely. I found it difficult to think because I could not get any space. At the time the kids ranged in age from 18 months to 12 and were with me the entire day from the moment I woke until practically the moment I went to bed. I would literally fall into bed each night wondering how I was going to survive and get these kids through high school.
I am not one to stay in a stuck place long. I am a professional coach afterall. So ...I started to think about what lessons I would give myself if I were my own coach. What would I tell my clients? How would I work with them to adjust to this new way of living so that they were not just surviving but actually felt alive and free?
Here's what I came up with-
1. Don't Be a Martyr:
Your kids need you to be rested, fulfilled and healthy. Realize that in order to do this job well, you have to take care of yourself first,
2. Hire Help:
This one is tough for me because I have a tendency to try and do everything myself. I couldn't. Not possible. I hired a mother's helper 10 hours a week so I could focus on the older kids and not go insane. It was only temporary until I got my feet under me but made all the difference.. If money is tight- consider swapping with a friend, finding a teen after school, or giving up something else while you work on getting into a groove.
3. Put the Big Rocks in First:
Have you ever heard the lesson about putting in the most important items in your schedule first? Look it up if you haven't as it is so powerful. Spend some time thinking about what you need to have in your days to feel inspired and alive. If you are like me, more than likely it looks something like this: exercise, time alone, quality time with your spouse, personal development, a peaceful/clean home. Next would come reading aloud with kids, crafting, baking and playing games, cultivating curiosity and learning, connecting with friends, having a sense of community, being in nature. etc, Then fill in with the smaller and less important items. If all else fails you will have gotten to what matters most.
4. Figure Out Your Homeschool Philospohy:
At the beginning don't worry so much about finding curriculum and buying a bunch of stuff. Trust me, you'll thank me later. Give yourself time to adjust and explore what your homeschool philosophy will be. Get a good book on homeschooling or research online. Take time to think about how your kids learn best without rushing the process even if this takes months.
5 Join a Community and Attend Regularly. :
I cannot emphasize this enough. There is no way I would have survived those early days if I didn't have other parents who walked this path ahead of me to lean on, ask questions of and commiserate with. There are awesome spaces online for gifted families who homeschool but nothing can replace a thriving in person community of like minded friends. Consider joining both. These groups abound on meet up, facebook and yahoo or consider starting your own like I did. Don't just drop in occasionally- commit to showing up every week no matter what.
6. Avoid Decision Making Out of Fear or Worry
Living life spaciously takes conscious effort and a clear decision to not act out of fear and worry by rushing into anything. Everything is done thoughtfully and only after careful consideration. In the early days, I see many new homeschool parents of gifted kiddos signing up for a bunch of classes at homeschool campuses, buying loads of curriculum, or sucking the joy right out of the homeschool by fighting with their kids over learning when they have not taken the time to do the above steps first. Lay the foundation first and the rest will follow.
7. Find Your Rythym and Have Fun!
Choose to fill your days with joy and laughter. Give yourself and your kids time to adjust to this new way of living. Allow them to rediscover a joy of learning. Stimulate their curiosity. Be engaged and present. Go on field trips, get out in nature, join a group of like minded friends, read books, watch educational television, visit a museum, explore life. Don't rush into doing school around the table. There are as many ways to homeschool as there are homeschoolers. First find your way.
8. Still Overwhelmed, Hire a Coach or Mentor
I had no idea that there were homeschool coaches out there for parents of gifted kids when I started this crazy journey. Who knew that there was someone who understands that raising gifted kids is both a joy and an immense challenge? A parent who gets that our lives are filled with balancing our kids emotional intensity, asynchronous development, perfectionism, etc. . I wish I would have known when I started. If you read the above post and are feeling overwhelmed at going it alone, reach out, okay?
Sometimes the very best thing is to have the personal support of a professional that is focused solely on you and your unique situation. Message me if you want to set up a consultation, I would be delighted to help.
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