Mama I see how hard you are trying.
I see you. I understand.
I see how overwhelmed you are with doing this just the right way. I see how your mama intuition is telling you to trust your child. To give space and freedom for learning. To allow this to evolve in its own way. I see you are struggling to let go of the way things were supposed to be and accept that this is the way they are. I see you are finding yourself isolated and alone. I see how you can't really talk to family and friends. I see how they don't understand and how their "helpful" words of advice only leaving you feeling like you have to defend yourself at a time when all you know is that you have no choice to do this drastic thing all the while having no clue how it is all going to turn out.
It is as if the world is a train continuing by and you are just standing there on the sidewalk forced off the path and left in the great unknown.
Mama, I see how hard you are trying . I see you. I understand.
Here is the thing mama. Raising emotionally intense, gifted and atypical little ones means there is a good chance that you are wired a bit differently too. Your path to homeschooling is going to look different and more intense than it is for someone else.
I know this because I am you.
I spent most of my life thinking that I was the only one that felt this way. For years, I wondered if something was wrong with me. Mind you I spent hours and hours coaching women entrepreneurs so it wasn't that I was ignorant to that fact that people struggle but still I felt different.
My emotional sensitivity and intensity had always been an issue for me causing hurt feelings and misunderstandings with friends as a child. Oh and I was bossy too. Boy was I. My parents still love to share stories of times I made sure to direct everyone in a loud voice about the "right" way to do things. As a teenager I would find myself feeling both like an old soul and naive young girl at the same time snubbing my nose at the silly ways teenagers are all the while also feeling like I didn't fit in. I was always that person that others came to for support but never felt like I really had anyone who could be the same for me in the way I needed them to be. It wasn't their fault really. They just didn't get me.
As an adult I struggled to find my tribe. I had friends but they didn't always last. Usually my emotional intensity would get in the way somehow either by something I said or my strong feelings would cause us to drift apart. Or sometimes it was just that I would simply grow bored or disillusioned and be ready to move on.
Finally as a mother I was part of this larger tribe of mothers but even then I was on the outside. You see ( well of course you do!!) my kids were emotionally intense right from the beginning. They didn't sleep when they were supposed to sleep, talk when they were supposed to talk, read when they were supposed to read. I couldn't leave them with babysitters because they would cry and when it came time to start preschool and eventually school- it just didn't work - while for most everyone else I knew it just did. Those days I had friends but I always felt I was on the outside looking in.
So mama, I see you. I understand.
Our path to homeschooling has been a long and windy road but I want to share with you mama that it is only here that I have found my people and my hope is that you will too. For the first time in my life I have met other mamas who describe themselves with the same words that I use to describe myself. Some of these mamas have become real life friends and others I just get to "see" online .
For all those who say that being "gifted" doesn't matter once you are homeschooling I disagree. Finding other mama's like myself who have also been forced to homeschool has healed me in ways that I cannot even begin to put into words. It doesn't mean we think we are better than you or that our kids are superior in any way. It simply means that we are wired a bit differently and being with others like us , helps us to feel not so alone. It allows us to feel heard and understood. It helps us to heal and for our children to heal too.
These soul sisters I have in my life now as a homeschooler have allowed me to be the mama my emotionally intense, atypical, little souls need me to be.
So mama, I see you and I understand.
You aren't alone. We are all in this together.
For more information about gifted adults read this great article from SENG ( Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted)
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